Eating Disorders & Holidays

For most people holidays are a time to get together with the people you love most and celebrate. For someone with an eating disorder holidays bring on a tremendous amount of stress. People celebrate holidays, events, promotions, birthdays, and the simple act of getting a group of loved ones together with food and drink. I wish I could be as carefree as the people I am with and be able to enjoy their company rather than focus on what I am eating. I believe that one day I will get to that point and I look forward to being able to appreciate the holidays fully. 

 Most holidays and events revolve around food. If you know someone is struggling with an eating disorder one thing that can make them feel more comfortable is to place the focus on something else. Games are a fantastic way to do this. Some of my favs are cornhole, giant jenga, spoons and if you have a smartphone the app headsup is fantastic! 

There are several different stages of eating disorder recovery. Each person is going to have different foods that are comfortable to them or they need to be eating to fill a meal plan. For someone who is struggling with an ED but is not yet ready to work on recovery the holidays or some big event is really not the best time to talk to them about it. When people did this to me it was difficult because even though I knew they were coming from a good place, pushing food on someone can be really stressful. A lot of the times I would feel like I needed to eat what they wanted me to eat, even when I wasn't comfortable with it, and then I would end up purging later on. I found it much easier to eat and even enjoy myself when people weren't making comments on what I was eating. I know people watch, and if you want to talk about it with a person you should. There is a time and place to bring that sort of thing up and during meals or family and friends getting together is not it. 

Part of being in recovery is following a meal plan. What this meal plan entails varies for each individual. Sticking to that meal plan as much as possible during the holiday or event is very important for someone in recovery. Eventually things won't need to be as rigid as they are but in this stage your meal plan is your safety zone. Sometimes the person is required to eat a lot of food. His or Her treatment team has a reason for how much that person is required to eat. Commenting on how much the person is eating is humiliating, and will be a trigger for them to use behaviors. 

Sometimes a person may want someone to help hold them accountable. This can be a tricky role to fill. For me, when I ask that someone help hold me accountable this is what I am looking for. I want to make sure that someone knows this is going to be a difficult meal. Knowing that I have let someone in on what's going on will help me to do what I need to do. I try to make it specific what my goal is if I am going to ask someone this. That way they know what I feel comfortable with. That being said, just because I ask you to hold me accountable does not mean I want you to be checking in with me every five minutes. I don't need you to point food out to me and if I decide to eat a little more I don't want you to assume I am now binging and plan to purge. Now if I am going way over what I said I was comfortable with then would be a good time to pull me aside and say something. Very rarely 

do I binge if I have asked someone to hold me accountable. I would also tell the person things I might do if I am getting really anxious about it. That way they can help distract me when they notice those behaviors. 

I know it is frustrating to watch someone you love struggle with an eating disorder. It is especially hard when it interferes with how a holiday or event would normally be. Please be patient and know we are trying our best. Take the focus off of food and try to enjoy each other's company in other ways. Maybe you will start some new traditions for the holidays to come.